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Master Qui-Gon Jinn [userpic]

Musings [filtered to Obi-Wan]

July 12th, 2005 (01:09 pm)
loved

current mood: loved
current sounds: the eternal hum of the Force

Everything has gone terribly wrong. There is no blame here, no easy moment to pinpoint and say, "yes, exactly here, this is what caused the disaster", but more a slow build-up. I don't want to say inevitable. I should like to hope that this could have been avoided.

And yet when I consider the Prophecy, that he is to bring balance to the Force, perhaps this was an inevitability. Perhaps for Anakin to bring balance, he must first find that balance in himself, be redeemed from the Dark and come back to the Light all the stronger for it.

I think about all of this, and cannot help but think of Xanatos. Amazing how that old wound has the power to hurt. And yet, it was my Obi-Wan who resolved that. And it will be my Obi-Wan who will resolve this. I have utter faith in him. Never has he disappointed me, and never shall he. He is everything I could have wanted him to be and more. Yet he doesn't see it. He sees his failures, his mistakes. He is a general who prefers peace, a warrior who prefers solitude, a leader who would rather be a hermit. A bundle of contradictions, yet effortless in grace. I am proud of him. And I love him very much. He will do what needs to be done and I will be with him every step of the way. He will not fail. He never has.

Master Qui-Gon Jinn [userpic]

Private; visable to Obi-Wan and now Anakin

June 15th, 2005 (10:18 pm)
morose

current mood: morose
current sounds: nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I think Anakin fancies I'm a hallucination. He's badly hurt and not making much progress with healing himself. The boy can't focus right now. I think I understand that. He's in a terrible spot, really. I wanted to help him, focus the Force more for him, but I can't quite muster the strength. I'm not strong enough yet, and I ought to be. Some Jedi Master I am. Was. To sound far too much like Master Yoda, meditate on this I should. It's all I do. It's all I can do right now.

I'd always figured that once I died, that would be it. There's nothing soothing and particularly enjoyable about watching the people I care about, the life I loved, and not being able to even influence things.

I almost regret being able to do this, to reach out, to be aware.

Meditate on this, I should.

Master Qui-Gon Jinn [userpic]

Private; filtered to Obi-Wan

June 12th, 2005 (12:04 pm)
exhausted

current mood: exhausted
current sounds: the endless silence of the Force

He can hear me now, see me. The rush of joy is overwhelming--I've waited for this for so long, so very long. My Obi-Wan. I'm so fiercely proud of him, of what he's done, the man he's become. I can't even articulate how amazing he is to me, how much I love him, have always loved him.

It's attatchment. Even in death, I can't escape attatchment. The one part of the Jedi Code I could never uphold. The Council knew it. I never really cared. Truth be told, I still don't. I care more for the Will of the Force, for compassion. For love of all creatures, but especially him.

The irony of the fact that it was only when I'd died that Obi-Wan could tell me he felt much the same way for me is not lost on me. Sithspawn, but the Force has a cruel sense of humour at times.

But he can hear me, see me. I taxed myself too much, trying to touch him twice and I doubt it will be particularly soon before I can make myself appear again. But I will be with him and he will know it. For now, that is enough.

Master Qui-Gon Jinn [userpic]

So this is death

June 5th, 2005 (06:01 pm)
amused

current mood: amused
current sounds: silence

Testing, one two three.

Nothing to see here, move on, move on. </force>

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